"Hi, my name is Jason..."

"...and I've been out of control for a long time now. I am an alcoholic, it almost ruined my life. My inspiration for coming to these meetings is Amy, who is my best friend. I resisted at first, but now I am here and I am optimistic and hoping for the best."

"Hi Jason. "

"Good Luck, Jason."

"We're glad to have you here"

When most of you read this it is obviously going to sound like an opening at an AA meeting. As I was lying on the ground waiting impatiently for Amy to get off the computer and as she was talking to me about all of the people who have just started new blogs I had an epiphany. I formulated a theory, did a little bit of research and the results are startling.
While The paragraph at the beginning of this blog does indeed reflect a typical Alcoholics Anonymous introduction, I want you to read it again...with one exception. When you read it this time replace the word "alcoholic" with the word "blogger." Now what does it sound like?
Now it sound like the first blog on just about any blog page you can find. I realized that the first blog on any blog page contains one or more of the following elements:

ADMISSION OF GUILT:
"Hi, I am addicted to blogs. I have been for some time now. I have read every blog on the internet in the past 48 hours and I just can't get enough. It's like heroin for the socially retarded."

THE RESOLUTION:
"It's official, (isn't it always) I am a blogger! I have joined the throngs of people who think that someone else cares what they think!"

THE RESISTANCE:
"I always told myself that I didn't need a blog and I held out as long as I could, but after sitting in front of my computer for the past four days without blinking I just have sooooooo much to say! I can't resist it any longer."

THE INSPIRATION:
"The reason that I am writing this blog is so that the world will know every mundane event that happens in my pathetic life. It was really my (friend, coworker, spouse, parent, etc.) that inspired me to share these wonderfully irrelevant thoughts with the whole world."

THE SHOVE-OFF:
"I hope this goes well, I'm not very good at this and really don't have much too say, so wish me the best of luck!"

These first blogs are usually followed by a hoard of comments in the tone of welcoming and well-wishing.
"Great first post"
"Very interesting, I especially enjoyed the part about your intestinal problems."
"Oh, you are such a good writer. You should have started this a long time ago"
and on and on and on.

I wish not to offend anyone by this as I am guilty of this myself. Observe:

"Well, I guess that I am a little behind the times. I am almost embarrased to admit that this is actually the first blog that I have ever written. It's not so much because I am against blogging. No, in fact, I am pro-blogging all the way. I very much enjoy reading a good blog peice every now and then. The real reason that I have not written a blog until now is because I don't have much to say."

Once again I do not mean to offend anyone, but here are some of my findings.

"Well it's official I am the biggest follower on the face of the planet. See *** having a blog was bad enough...but *******? I mean come on. If ******* has a blog on the big scary computer than I am out of excuses. I have to agree with ***'s justifications about blogging being the journaling of the 21st century. How can I argue with that? In all honesty, this is actually my second attempt. But truth be told, the first was a total embarrassment, so here goes for round two."

"Well, since **** and ***** have a blog and now ***** and **** have a blog, I thought it was only fitting to conform to the family trend....And so it begins, you will now have ample access to the daring, dramatic and often dull details of our lives, Enjoy."

"I hope using this blog to post my photos I will be able to commandeer a talent I once enjoyed. Thanks mom for my inspiration..."

"I want to dedicate my first post to my sister ***....sorry I drive you crazy."

"I've finally done it. After much protest, I've converted. I am now a blogger. My first few posting topics/events, and a few friends and family are the main reasons I've finally made the commitment. After stalking others blogs for the past two months, I'm ready to try my hand at this...And really, for those of you who really know me, I hate to be left out of anything."

"I have been reading all these blogs from all these people I know and it is addicting! It is worse than chatting on the telephone!"

Anyways, the list goes on and on. You get the idea.

So to all you brand new blog addicts out there "We're glad you're here with us. Hopefully this will help you get it out of your system."