"Hi, my name is Jason..."

"...and I've been out of control for a long time now. I am an alcoholic, it almost ruined my life. My inspiration for coming to these meetings is Amy, who is my best friend. I resisted at first, but now I am here and I am optimistic and hoping for the best."

"Hi Jason. "

"Good Luck, Jason."

"We're glad to have you here"

When most of you read this it is obviously going to sound like an opening at an AA meeting. As I was lying on the ground waiting impatiently for Amy to get off the computer and as she was talking to me about all of the people who have just started new blogs I had an epiphany. I formulated a theory, did a little bit of research and the results are startling.
While The paragraph at the beginning of this blog does indeed reflect a typical Alcoholics Anonymous introduction, I want you to read it again...with one exception. When you read it this time replace the word "alcoholic" with the word "blogger." Now what does it sound like?
Now it sound like the first blog on just about any blog page you can find. I realized that the first blog on any blog page contains one or more of the following elements:

ADMISSION OF GUILT:
"Hi, I am addicted to blogs. I have been for some time now. I have read every blog on the internet in the past 48 hours and I just can't get enough. It's like heroin for the socially retarded."

THE RESOLUTION:
"It's official, (isn't it always) I am a blogger! I have joined the throngs of people who think that someone else cares what they think!"

THE RESISTANCE:
"I always told myself that I didn't need a blog and I held out as long as I could, but after sitting in front of my computer for the past four days without blinking I just have sooooooo much to say! I can't resist it any longer."

THE INSPIRATION:
"The reason that I am writing this blog is so that the world will know every mundane event that happens in my pathetic life. It was really my (friend, coworker, spouse, parent, etc.) that inspired me to share these wonderfully irrelevant thoughts with the whole world."

THE SHOVE-OFF:
"I hope this goes well, I'm not very good at this and really don't have much too say, so wish me the best of luck!"

These first blogs are usually followed by a hoard of comments in the tone of welcoming and well-wishing.
"Great first post"
"Very interesting, I especially enjoyed the part about your intestinal problems."
"Oh, you are such a good writer. You should have started this a long time ago"
and on and on and on.

I wish not to offend anyone by this as I am guilty of this myself. Observe:

"Well, I guess that I am a little behind the times. I am almost embarrased to admit that this is actually the first blog that I have ever written. It's not so much because I am against blogging. No, in fact, I am pro-blogging all the way. I very much enjoy reading a good blog peice every now and then. The real reason that I have not written a blog until now is because I don't have much to say."

Once again I do not mean to offend anyone, but here are some of my findings.

"Well it's official I am the biggest follower on the face of the planet. See *** having a blog was bad enough...but *******? I mean come on. If ******* has a blog on the big scary computer than I am out of excuses. I have to agree with ***'s justifications about blogging being the journaling of the 21st century. How can I argue with that? In all honesty, this is actually my second attempt. But truth be told, the first was a total embarrassment, so here goes for round two."

"Well, since **** and ***** have a blog and now ***** and **** have a blog, I thought it was only fitting to conform to the family trend....And so it begins, you will now have ample access to the daring, dramatic and often dull details of our lives, Enjoy."

"I hope using this blog to post my photos I will be able to commandeer a talent I once enjoyed. Thanks mom for my inspiration..."

"I want to dedicate my first post to my sister ***....sorry I drive you crazy."

"I've finally done it. After much protest, I've converted. I am now a blogger. My first few posting topics/events, and a few friends and family are the main reasons I've finally made the commitment. After stalking others blogs for the past two months, I'm ready to try my hand at this...And really, for those of you who really know me, I hate to be left out of anything."

"I have been reading all these blogs from all these people I know and it is addicting! It is worse than chatting on the telephone!"

Anyways, the list goes on and on. You get the idea.

So to all you brand new blog addicts out there "We're glad you're here with us. Hopefully this will help you get it out of your system."

stupid scholars

I recently have returned to my online educational ways. One would tend to assume that if a person is seeking higher education they must possess some degree of intelligence. I find that is not the case. Or perhaps they are intelligent but that their intelligence is overshadowed by the fact that they are INSANE! There are a lot of wackos (yes, that is the technical term) that are enrolled with the University of Phoenix Online. I have only just restarted school three weeks ago so I only have two examples to share, but I have a feeling that there will be more to come. Read and be astounded!

Scenario 1
___________

Teacher: Reflect on your own worldview and compare it with the worldviews presented in the text. Provide examples of the benefits of your view to defend your position.

Crazy Student: I would say that I fall in the category of the western world view. I believe that no matter how much we try that we can not reverse the damage already done to our environment and my religion teaches me that our earth was not meant to last forever, it was inevitable from the start that we were doomed to ruin this place we call our world. Contrary to the other beliefs, my belief is that if our world was never meant to last forever, then how can we change what was predestined from the beginning.

Me: I am intrigued by your opinion. It definitely goes a bit against the grain. I have similar religious beliefs. Like you I believe that, ultimately, trying to save the environment is pointless. The damage that has been done can never be fully reversed. I also believe that even if we could fix the problems the Earth will be inevitably "destroyed" before we would have the chance. I agree with you that attempting to save the planet, for the sake of the planet, is a large waste of time. On the other hand, I believe that there is something divine in at least trying to take care of the things that you have. Perhaps it is pointless, but from a religious standpoint it still seems worthwhile to care for the gifts that god has given us.

Crazy Student: There is a difference in trying to keep what you have been blessed with in good condition vs trying to play God and thinking that we can change what was already determined to happen in the first place by He who is in control of everything.

____________

See what I mean? Please...continue.

Scenario 2
_____________

Teacher: Considering the amount of energy required to produce animal-based foods and goods, should humans change their habits so they consume products closer to the bottom of the food chain because it is more efficient?

Crazy Student: A CHANGE OF DIET

You do not need to stop eating meat, just stop eating cows, they are very destructive.

They are not natural animals but are an invention of man.

Their feet and weight compact the ground and raise the salt to the surface.

They change the natural pampas grasses because of their limited preferences and they consume a lot of water.

If not carefully managed, they over graze and kill the grass by eating it down to the roots.

________________

Ha Ha, I get a good laugh every time! Keep in mind that these have not been doctored or edited in any way and as a bonus fact, they were not even written by the same person! So I know that there are at least two crazy people in my class. You know what they say..."These things always happen in threes." We'll see.